I did something today that I haven't done in over 18 years.
Just a few days before my 25th birthday in 1993 I was in a car crash that catapulted me through the back seat, tearing the upholstery, into the trunk of the car. I crushed my 4th and 5th lumbar, fractured my 3rd cervical vertebrae and snapped my collarbone. I was able to avoid surgery, but I was immobile in bed for 7 weeks and in physical therapy for a better part of a year. Since then, I have not even tried to run.
Fast forward more than a decade - I have gotten married and had two babies. With both pregnancies I actually lost weight because I was so unhealthy to start out with, and my calorie intake was more than enough to fuel me and the growing baby. In 2006 - 2007 I lost 82 lbs, only to gain most of it back by not making room for any exercise when my daughter started kindergarten and the family schedule changed. I am obese, unhealthy and terrified of not being here for my children. My dad had his first heart attack when he was 43 - the age I will be in January. The age my mother was when she was widowed. Yesterday, my 68 year old uncle died in front of the computer at his desk of a heart attack. In front of the computer is how I spend much of my life.
Today, I ran.
It was more of a jog than a run, and It wasn't pretty. It was on a treadmill as "Sandstorm" blasted on my MP3 Player. The song accelerated and so did I, my index finger frantically tapping the "speed "up" button. I stayed there for 2 whole minutes, before tapping the button back down to my fast-walk pace, sweat pouring off my face.
My body didn't get this way overnight and it certainly isn't going to change overnight. But I do feel like I am making good choices, cooking whole foods that nourish me and my family, that I am looking forward to those 30 minutes of 'me' time every afternoon when I escape to the treadmill. I know myself well enough to know that making goals for myself at this stage is setting myself up for excuses and failure, so I will go slow and commit only to the idea that when my son starts kindergarten in a year, I won't let the family schedule stall me, like it did when my daughter started.
I won't stall.
I will run.