Affirmations About the Sum

I am not defined by:

• the extra cream I put in my coffee today
• the large healthy salad I will have for lunch
• the exercise I did for an hour yesterday
• the complete absence of exercise over the weekend
• being the mom who can make her daughter laugh so hard that she cries
• being the screaming shrew of a mom who yells at kids for hours every afternoon, all while trying to get work done
• being the "always on" employee with the great job for people she genuinely likes
• being the person who just wants to shut off the work when the weekend comes
• my home, which looks like it was kit by a tornado most days
• my ability and passion for tidying up and preparing the perfect party
• having the worst brought out in my by my mother, when offereing up her parenting "two cents"
• being the daughter who is so grateful for the amazing amount of love she gives my kids each and every day of the summer, when most kids of a working mom would have to be in day care
• wanting to throttle my husband for waiting until the last possible day to pay a bill
• adoring this man so much it makes my heart ache

I am the sum of all these things, and more.

Stupor Duper

I have been S-U-C-K-I-N-G at the blog thing, huh?  You know me. Ms. Consistency. (With a capital "C", thankyouverymuch!)

July.  Hot.  Parties+fun stuff+ too hot to exercise = feeling like crap.  I feel like I have been wandering around in a half-sleep for a few weeks now, which is seriously becoming a bummer.  I want to take a nap get out there!  Be lazy active! Chase my kids out of my bedroom in the morning and my dog around the yard!  I have been trying to haul it out the door in the mornings to take the dog for a nice long walk, but when the temperature is like the surface of the sun at 7:00 am, I find myself staying indoors and doing the Wii fit.  Which in my humble estimation is OK, but not nearly as challenging or as good for the soul as fresh air and sunshine.  Or I do nothing at all.  Yay me. Sigh.  Which brings me to another digression - who were the craptastic folks that decided that smearing hydro-Ican'tpronounceyouchemicals or Whoopsthismightcausecancertoo Lotion was better than a little sunshine?  I am not talking about dipping yourself in baby oil, laying down on a field of aluminum and sizzling for 8 hours...just a walk, or a little kiss of sun on the tip of the nose.  I'll save that rant for another day.

Anyway....it is also my favorite food time of the year. New Jersey field grown tomatoes, peaches, blueberries and sweet corn are something seriously special.  If you don't live in these parts, if you ever get to the east coast in the summer, make a special day to come to New Jersey and eat corn and tomatoes.  They are THAT good.  Anyway, it is also the time of year where I go all "urban homestead" and make jams and jellies, pickle and can things, and generally get very much like my grandmother.  You know, because you should crank the heat up in the kitchen as much as you can during the summer months.  While I spend the day on my feet doing this, I am not being active, and as you may have gleaned, the heat really saps me of my motivation.  It hasn't helped that since June 1, New Jersey has been 90+ degrees ALOT.  (Girl who loves to eat+not motivated to exercise = static waistline number/annoyed with myself)
I am struggling to strike a balance these days: there is all this lovely, inexpensive fresh summer produce to prepare for myself and my family in our effort to eat wholesome, healthful, non-fake food - but that takes time, planning and effort. There is my desire to preserve all the vegetable and fruit loveliness for when there is much less of it available.  There is my struggle to get a decent amount of exercise, while simultaneously having a rugrat of one size or another tethered to my leg saying "mommy" over and over.  There is the necessity to keep up with my job outside the home; I am fortunate that I works for a great company and awesome people, who understand the mom thing and allow me work flexible hours-but that can mean it occasionally spills over into my "at home" hours.  Factor in basic hygiene, sleep, laundry, household care for me and the family, and I have got nothing left at the end of the week.


I know I am not the first, nor will I be the last mom / wife to struggle with balance.  Under the circumstances, I think I do an OK job - I just wish I could keep the motivation to find that 1/2 hour of 'me' time each day.   I often find myself sacrificing it for my kids/husband/dog/job/mom/sister/neighbor.  One of' these days I am going to stand up and say, "There are 47 other half-hours in the day - you can't have THIS one.  It's MINE!"

Help me find ways to strike a balance and keep it!

Maybe then I can get a post up here every now and then!

The Ick factor

Saturday was my favorite day in a long, long (cold, awful, snowy, miserable, H1N1-havin', broken foot-havin') time.  I drove through my neighboring town to see that the farmer's market is back!  Yippee!  Fresh/sweet/crunchy delicious things, that were grown right here in NJ/PA!

I have been reading everything I can get my hands on about locally produced, sustainable food.  Ever since watching Food, Inc. (ick!).  It was enough to make me consider going vegan.  Surprisingly, thanks to our friend, The Internet, there is A LOT of information out there about how to shop & eat local, safe, humanely raised food.  Food that is actually more nutrient dense and better for us! 

I have also been using this personal food revolution as another motivator in my "getting well" project.  It really is simple:  I am resolved to:

• Eat less meat.  There are plenty of yummy ways to fill the belly with nutritious vegetable sources of protein
• Buy local produce in season
• Preserve local, in season produce for use off season (freezing, canning)
• Bake my own, less preservative filled, bread (which is remarkably easy by the way!)
• Drink less of everything that isn't water (coffee, soda, alcohol)
• GET RID OF artifical sweeteners in my diet.  This will, by far, be my biggest challenge.
• Move more (now that the broken peg is pretty mucn mended)
• Prepare meals and snacks myself at home using real honest-to-goodness food ingredients instead of fake this, artifical that or things that are over processed & refined.

Simple, right?  Remind me of that as I drive by chick-fil-a on my way home.  We have a deal?

I Like Food

A lot, actually.  I take such incredible pleasure in crafting and sitting down to a good meal.


There is something so very soothing about the process of chopping and slicing, stirring and tossing that rings like a rythmic tai chi to me.  The problem is that when I undergo this intense culinary therapy  I do two things:  make too much and eat too much.

Tonight I am struggling with the notion that we have leftovers and I do not need to cook.  Inside my head, all hear is "but I waaaaannnnnnaaaaaa", because I really could use some of that therapy.  (no wisecracks please!)  Still, I have mounds of leek risotto from last night's dinner and a gallon of vegetable stock from this "grilled cheese" soup from two days ago. 

I should also mention that I am fat and trying to remedy that.  Not the kind of fat where my friendly neighborhood crane operator stops by every morning to pick me up for work, but fat enough that I feel like I am not setting a good example for my kids.  And I don't just want to change it - I NEED to change it.  I am 42 years old and when my dad had his first heart attack, he was 45.  I am terrified that I won't be here for my kids.  So I cook, but I have been diligently trying to keep an eye on portion control and  overall fat/salt/fiber content - which has been resulting in the copious amounts of leftovers.  What can I say, I am used to cooking AND eating for and army.  Now I just cook for one.

Any ideas how to better control the amount I cook so that I can still enjoy my therapy and get a nice amount of variety into my meals?  All without squashing my culinary creativity?

Wah.  I waaaaaannnnnnnnaaaaaa.